8 Surprising Things

8 Surprising Things

It doesn't matter how much experience we have, as soon as we think we've got it figured out, something bizarre emerges. Lessons we have learned time and time again still manage to take us by surprise.

Here is a list of obvious things that managed to completely blindside me once I started dating poly queers. Most still surprise me on a daily basis.

1. Feelings keep happening even after I have 'figured them out'. 

Jerks.

2. Weird things trigger my jealousy.

Some people don't really have issues with jealousy. I, unfortunately, am not one of them. My partner watched a tv show without me, and somehow that felt like a huge breach of trust. Um, hey brain, that makes no sense.

3. Even weirder things make me feel more secure. 

I like to pretend people don't know I'm around while they have a date in our apartment. I...maybe have some voyeur things going on but also it just feels really cozy, ok.

4. Metamours are fucking great.  

Even before I know them as people, I know that they have good taste in sweethearts! We automatically have something important in common, and it's the best. Really the best. 

5. Breakups are hard.

Dating more people means dealing with more breakups. Breakups are hard even (especially?) when they don't involve me. Watching someone you love deal with heartbreak that you can't do anything about is the worst. Really the worst.

6. Everyone knows each other. No really.  

In Boston there's a network of people that are both non-monogamous and queer in one way or another. While it's probably not as small as you think, it's still pretty tiny. 

I grew up in a small town, where every time you met someone they asked who your parents were (or grandparents, depending on the age of the inquirer). It's kind of like that, but now we ask who you're crushing on.

7. Chosen family feels like family.

Complete with first cousins once-removed and that one oddball aunt.

8. Cis-het polyamory exists? Monogamous gays exist? In this city, even?

I get pretty enmeshed in my own little network and tend to forget that there are entirely separate constellations of poly folk whirling around out there. I was once at at a party and met a woman who was polyamorous—I believe she might have even been queer—and we were both downright shocked that the only person we knew in common was the friend who invited us to the party. As someone in my polycule said, "I guess we're in the more gendery faction."  

Don't even get me started on all the wonderful monogamous queers.

There are so many distinct communities of people who are non-monogamous, LGBTQIA, or both! I get immersed in my little bubble, and it's nice to remember that the rest of the world is not all normative straight nonsense. There are so many like-minded people I have yet to meet.

WE ARE EVERYWHERE.

Not saying we're going to take over the world, but like...we might.  


P.S. the cover image is my weirdo cat, Rascal. She also surprises me on a daily basis, even though she really shouldn't.  There will probably be many pics of her as this blog evolves, just a warning.

Strategies for Dealing with Jealousy

Strategies for Dealing with Jealousy

The Polycule: As Told by a Couple of Queers

The Polycule: As Told by a Couple of Queers